Please get rid of the “ONLYS” in your sentences! There is one thing you must remember- We all have to start somewhere. Those 2 days, one week, whatever amount of time you are free from that negative habit- BE PROUD! You have accomplished something. Don’t underestimate your abilities.
Sure, I would love to help you out! Here are a few Tumblr blogs that deal with sexual assault, trigger warning on all blogs posted:
Some other great websites, organizations, ect.:
Hope you find what you are looking for, dear. If you ever need to talk, please know I am here- email me anytime. Also, if anyone knows of other blogs or websites that deal with sexual abuse, please comment in the notes.
Social anxiety is the fear of social situations and the interaction with other people that can automatically bring on feelings of self-consciousness, judgment, evaluation, and inferiority.
Put another way, social anxiety is the fear and anxiety of being judged and evaluated negatively by other people, leading to feelings of inadequacy, embarrassment, humiliation, and depression. If a person usually becomes anxious in social situations, but seems fine when they are alone, then “social anxiety” may be the problem.
A specific social anxiety would be the fear of speaking in front of groups, whereas generalized social phobia indicates that the person is anxious, nervous, and uncomfortable in almost all social situations.
People with social anxiety disorder usually experience significant emotional distress in the following types of situations:
The physiological manifestations that accompany social anxiety may include intense fear, racing heart, turning red or blushing, excessive sweating, dry throat and mouth, trembling, swallowing with difficulty, and muscle twitches.
Constant, intense anxiety that does not go away is the most common feature.
People with social anxiety disorder know that their anxiety is irrational and does not make “head” sense. Nevertheless, “knowing” something is never the same thing as “believing” and “feeling” something. Thus, in people with social anxiety, thoughts and feelings of anxiety persist and show no signs of going away despite the fact that socially-anxious people “face their fears” every day of their lives.
Source: http://www.social-anxiety-network.com/define.html (abridged)
Oh man, I am so sorry that you feel this way about yourself. Self-sabotage is such a common mindset when it comes to harming ourselves, physically and/or mentally. I was stuck there for a very long time. Let me tell you, finally loving myself has been the best journey I have ever encountered.
Giving advice to someone who does not want to help themselves is like trying to climb a 50 ft wall. We may make it half way up; yet, it’s near impossible to get over it. If someone doesn’t want to get better, not even the best therapist in the world will be able to change this. In recovery, we need to be ready to get better, we need to be ready to fight.
What I can do is encourage self-acceptance and self-love. What made you want to get better from you eating disorder? Can that apply here with the self-harming? You don’t deserve to feel sad and anxious all the time, wouldn’t it be better to feel happy and content with your life?
Try digging out the family album and look for a picture of yourself as a child. Paste that innocent picture of yourself onto your mirror. Look at it and then look at yourself now. Doesn’t that little kid deserve a good life? Deserve to be happy? Only YOU can make that happen. Give that darling little child the life they always wanted to have.
Here are some articles that might be useful for you, too:
hey, just a reminder that holding suicide over someone’s head is emotional abuse. if you have someone who tells you that they’ll kill themselves if you leave them, if you stop talking to them, if you do something they do not want you to do, that is abuse- and you have every right to get out of that situation.
People always say nobody can help you if you don’t want to help yourself, you’re going to have to save yourself in the end. That is true. Bur when you aren’t that motivated to recover, it may sound harsher than it is.
Picture this: you fall into a deep hole in the ground. You can’t climb up and have no idea what to do. So, instead of sitting there or trying to get out all on your own, you decide call for help.
A person comes. Here you might feel discouraged and unsure if you’ll ever get out at all. That’s why the person should suggest a plan for you: “Wait, I’ll go get a rope ladder!”
So, the person comes back with the ladder. But they doesn’t just throw it down at you, you still need them to hold onto it so you won’t fall when you climb, so they stay with you.
Now you have a ladder ready and you can climb up. But now you’ve been in the hole for quite a while and your doubting if there even is a point in getting out at all. Here the person should say: “Hey, I need you to climb up now, even though it feels pointless! Just place you hands on the ropes and take it step by step because I won’t let you stay there!” Through this you have eventually escaped from the hole and are back on the ground again.
My point: Saving yourself doesn’t mean you should get yourself out of that hole all on your own. It only means you should call for help and even though you are the one to take those steps, it is a hundred times easier when someone has gotten you a rope ladder and told you what to do. A good psych team should be able to do that for you.