Forgiving yourself is far more challenging than forgiving someone else because you must live with yourself and your thoughts 24/7. Despite the challenge, emotionally healthy people must have the capacity to forgive themselves when they have made a mistake.
When you forgive yourself, you are not pretending as though it never happened. On the contrary, you are acknowledging that your actions have consequences. But the consequences need not include self-inflicted negative feelings.
Not forgiving yourself is like picking at an open wound; you are only making a bad situation worse. The wound is already there, but you do have control over your reaction to it, and you can stop it from getting worse.
1. Accept yourself and your flaws.
Know that despite your flaws, you are okay as you are. Your flaws, rather than making you “less” of a person, are what make you who you are. What you think of as a defect actually makes you far more interesting to others.
You are not perfect. You make mistakes.
But you are also on a path of growth. Your mistakes and failures help you improve. As flawed as you may be, you must accept yourself, flaws and all, if you are to make progress in your life.
2. Remember that you are not a bad person.
You can do something wrong while still being a good person. A lot of guilt or shame can make you feel like there is something wrong with you.
Realize, right now, that there is a very big difference between doing a bad thing and being a bad person. Even when you do something that you regret, you most likely had a valid reason for doing it at the time (even if that reason doesn’t make rational sense).
You didn’t do something bad because you are a fundamentally bad person; there was an intent, or valid motivation, behind your action.
3. Talk to someone.
Sometimes you just need to get it off your chest. Talking to someone else about what is bothering you can have serious benefits.
4. Talk to your internal voice.
It can be useful to “personalize” your internal voice. Imagine that there is some other entity that is thinking your self-critical thoughts and have a conversation with them.
It might sound silly, but you should give this entity a name, which will reinforce the idea that this voice is separate from you.
During your “conversation” I want you to ask your internal, critical voice what its positive intention is. This voice is saying what it’s saying for a reason. It might be to protect you, to prevent you from making the same mistake again, or to help you improve in some way.
When you realize that your thoughts of guilt or shame are intended for your benefit, it becomes easier to forgive yourself. You can find another way to satisfy that positive intent while reducing your guilty feelings.
5. Do the best friend test.
Imagine your best friend had done exactly what you did and then came to you for advice. What would you tell them?
You would reassure them and tell them not to be so hard on themselves. You would tell them that everyone makes mistakes. You would tell them that they deserve to be forgiven.
Why can’t you say this to yourself?
If you can forgive yourself when you make a mistake, it becomes easier for you to address the consequences of your action in a productive way.
I am so excited! Just got my first payout from Google!
Thank you to everyone who was able to click my Ads!!
I have decided any month that I get a payout because of Ad clicks, I will be doing a giveaway that month. Soooo.. get ready for a giveaway SOON. Thinking that it is going to be an inspirational scrapbook and supplies, which is a huge calming tool for myself. Get ready to be creative!!!
Thanks again guys!
1. I accept that I’m not perfect, and there’s no perfect time – Too many people are hanging around and waiting for the perfect opportunity – or the time when they are perfect and have all the skills they need. But life rewards effort; so get out there and work hard … and eventually you’ll find that you succeed and reach your goals.
2. I can’t please everyone no matter how hard I try – No matter what you do or how hard you try there will always be someone who’s disgruntled or upset. So, don’t look for affirmation; just do what you think’s right.
3. I will participate in something I believe in – It doesn’t really matter what activity you choose, as long as it is something that ignites your passion … as this will bring fulfillment and true meaning to your life.
4. I will learn to prioritize and do what matters first – We all get distracted by what seems to be most urgent … or something that is fun and makes life less of a burden. But if you’re going to succeed you need to set priorities. Don’t allow what’s less important to distract you from your course.
5. I will be select when it comes to choosing friends – We’re influenced and shaped by the people we spend time with. Their impact is profound – even though this is subconscious. So be wise in who you choose to be your confidantes and friends. Surround yourself with people who inspire and motivate you.
6. I will be there for others, and will help them if I can – In life, we reap what we sow – and that’s a crucial principle. That means the more that you help others, the more they will help you.
7. I will choose to focus on the positives – Our thoughts affect our feelings and the ways that we behave. If you don’t expect success then it’s likely you will fail – in your work, relationships and life in general. So listen to your self talk … and straighten out your thinking … and start to focus on the positives!
8. I will true to myself – You can’t be happy living someone else’s life. You need to discover and develop your own authentic self.That’s when you’re truly beautiful, and life feels meaningful.
9. I will live in the present and enjoy the “now” – The past is gone and the future isn’t promised. Life is happening in this moment, so cease the day and enjoy “now”.
10. I will look for the good and be thankful for each day – Life is full of gifts, if we will only stop and notice. If we choose to be thankful, and treasure all life’s gifts, then we’ll find our lives are filled with joy and happiness – and the hurts and disappointments won’t weigh us down as much.
I am so sorry to hear about what you and your friend are going through. I am assuming you have confronted your friend with concern because you say that she doesn’t think she has a issue, which is always the first step in trying helping someone.
When someone doesn’t want to get the help or even admit they have a problem- it can be very hard to convince them otherwise. Sometimes we can come off as judgmental and it makes them even more defensive. I know it can feel frustrating, especially since she’s on the other side of the world!
Please try and continue to suggest getting professional help and treatment. Also, remind her that you care for her and that you’d rather ask about the troubling behaviors than let them go unnoticed. Then, offer to talk when she’s ready and be available if she wants your help. If your friend finally admits that she is struggling, offer to help her find a professional.
One of the most important things you can do as a friend is to let your friend know she is loved and accepted by you, even if she is suffering from an eating disorder, And it’s always best to speak up- because it might save your friend’s life.
Good luck with everything and congratulations on your own recovery!
Please get rid of the “ONLYS” in your sentences! There is one thing you must remember- We all have to start somewhere. Those 2 days, one week, whatever amount of time you are free from that negative habit- BE PROUD! You have accomplished something. Don’t underestimate your abilities.
Sure, I would love to help you out! Here are a few Tumblr blogs that deal with sexual assault, trigger warning on all blogs posted:
Some other great websites, organizations, ect.:
Hope you find what you are looking for, dear. If you ever need to talk, please know I am here- email me anytime. Also, if anyone knows of other blogs or websites that deal with sexual abuse, please comment in the notes.